Original:
One of the most controversial issues in today’s society is the debate about whether or not Marijuana should be legalized. Marijuana has been mainly viewed as a negative drug throughout its existence. People usually associate the drug with crime, violence, and drug dealers, as millions of arrests are made every year for marijuana related offenses. But many people fail to see the true potential that lies within Marijuana. A common belief about marijuana is that it is much more dangerous than cigarettes. Many people also believe that legalizing marijuana is morally wrong. But fourteen states have already legalized the drug, for medical purposes only. California recently tried to legalize marijuana for recreational use through Proposition 19. Under the proposition, marijuana would be legal for use only by those 21 and over. The proposition also limited the amount of marijuana someone could carry to one ounce. Unfortunately, the proposition did not pass. If marijuana was legalized on a federal level, police would be able to focus on more serious crimes, a safer alternative to cigarettes would be created, and a tremendous amount of revenue would result from the taxation of the drug.
Revision:
People usually associate marijuana with crime, violence, and drug dealers, and millions of arrests are made every year for marijuana related offenses. Many people fail to see the true potential that lies within Marijuana. They view marijuana as being much more dangerous than cigarettes. Many people also believe that legalizing marijuana is morally wrong. Fourteen states have already legalized the drug for medical purposes only. California recently tried to legalize marijuana for recreational use through Proposition 19. Under the proposition, marijuana would be legal for use only by those 21 and over. The proposition also limited the amount of marijuana someone could carry to one ounce. Unfortunately, the proposition did not pass. The legalization of marijuana on a federal level would allow police to focus on more serious crimes, provide a safer alternative to cigarettes and generate a tremendous amount of revenue from through taxation of the drug.
I think you had the right approach in your revision, Ryan. I'm just worried that this paragraph is trying to say a bit too much. There are about four main ideas here: the general public's fear of the marijuana; the idea that it has "potential"; the "ethics" of legalizing it; it's medical usage; prop 19 in california; and the proposal for federal decriminalization as it relates to crime and law enforcement. I think each of these ideas would need their own paragraph. We'll talk in office hours.
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